My friend Daidri is a champion at not making snap judgements and over the last few years, I've been observing how she patiently asks me clarifying and thoughtful questions before she dives head first with her quick reply. She does more of a gentle, dainty tip toe as she voices her thoughts.

Trust me, I can give a pretty mean snap judgement in 2 seconds flat and the moment I do that, I think "ugh... Daidri would have asked more clarifying questions first"! So I'm working on this. And because I know I can judge and voice an opinion like a champion, I'm beginning to recognize them more and more when I'm at the receiving end. I've been pondering this topic for a couple of weeks now and I feel like I've deciphered the difference.

When a snap judgement is made to me, instead of me going into more detail and explaining, I find that I'm instantly trying to defend my stance in one sentence. The conversation turns from a happy back and forth discussion, into this weird halted defensive place.

I'll give a real life example of what I'm trying to describe.

Me: "We are looking at possibility moving to Oregon."
Them: "Oregon! Oh God it rains non stop there."
Me: "Plenty of people live there and love it!" (my defensive response)

But when it goes this way, it's amazing!

Me: "We are looking at possibility moving to Oregon."
Them: "Oh wow that's a big move! Tell me why you're considering Oregon."
Me: "Well, we have a small chunk of money and we are trying to buy a home on property where we can eventually retire, live debt free, have elderly family live nearby, begin a business and have a better quality of life. Yes we love California and all of its sunshine, but we're finding it difficult to accomplish all of our dreams here because of the cost of living.

Serious difference!!

I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad, because I'm raising my hand and typing one handed right now... I'm super guilty! All I'm asking is that we, as a whole society, begin a conversation with a few more questions first, before we halt the discussion with a snap judgement. (works really well with politics too)