DOUBT

My sister Amanda always gives me a good, honest, no-bull perspective. She doesn't sugarcoat it. She just puts it in my lap and says “here". I like that about her.

Like the time, 2 years ago when Mike and I had an all expenses paid week in Maui because I was hired to photograph a wedding. The day we returned home I called her crying, spilling my heart out that it was just terrible because I was suffering from exhaustion, anxiety and vertigo. I confessed I even secretly tried to find an earlier flight home.

"It's weird right, not having fun in Hawaii?!?" I expected her to console me and tell me that we all have bad days, but instead, she said, "I don't know anyone that could spend a week in Hawaii and not have fun, yea that's weird.”

So it's been about 30 days since we’ve closed escrow and said goodbye to our Sonoma house and vacant commercial lot and I’m feeling some real pangs of doubt.

Did we do the right thing?

The neighborhood continues on its path of revitalization and every now and then I will see a local news story about a fun up-and-coming restaurant getting closer to opening. Should we have held out a little longer? Should we have put up with the lack of A/C and the punks with the deafening mufflers and the annoying neighbor taking months and months to paint his house electric blue? With all the ideas and designs and gumption we have, could we have found something to build on that corner to add to the community, and would also secure our retirement plan?

I recently shared this dark doubt with Mike, treading lightly because no matter his answer, we cannot do anything about it now. The property is sold. He assured me that we did the right thing; for our finances and sanity. My shoulders relaxed a little hearing what I hoped he would say. But is he giving me the real Amanda answer?


Until next time,
Megan

p.s. So I wrote this on Wednesday morning and set it aside, with the plan to publish it in a couple days. A couple hours after I wrote this, my fellow photographer friend Allyson called to check in and say hi. Allyson and her husband and 3 kids are in the very midst of selling their Sonoma home and starting a whole new life in New Zealand. She's having pangs of "oh my gosh what are we about to do" so she called me since I'm on the other side of a big move.

"How are you feeling now that it's done? Do you still feel like you did the right thing by selling?"

"Uh... I don't know!!"

It was a great soul uplifting chat because we both know the mixed bag of feelings well. She ended the call with such a helpful reminder, telling me but also repeating it to soothe herself, "Deep down our souls told us that this was the right thing to do. Hold onto that voice."

Thank you Allyson!! xo